Skip to main content

Letting Go of Happily Ever After and Embracing Happy Now

Like most young girls, I was enthralled with romantic fairy tales. Who wouldn't want to have Prince Charming to show up with that glass slipper that would undoubtedly fit just right? Or maybe have him ride up on his noble steed and wake you from some mysterious illness with true love's kiss? These ideas of romantic bliss are drilled into little girl's heads from very early on. There's nothing wrong with fairy tales, they are entertaining and fun and they make great Disney movies.

While I outgrew my princess obsession, I didn't quite give up on Prince Charming. Why would I? Every movie I loved assured me he existed. Of course as I grew up, my ideal prince changed too. So while I didn't expect him to show up at my door with a glass slipper, or rescue me from some isolated tower. I was pretty sure my high school  crush would serenade me with his boombox outside my window like in "Say Anything", or maybe I'd ride off on the back of his lawn mower into the sunset like "Can't Buy Me Love". I kept waiting. I was usually disappointed. When I got a a little bit older, I figured maybe he'd climb up my fire escape (as soon as I managed to get one) with a rose and some obscure opera playing on a limo's system like "Pretty Woman". Of course my prince would declare his love and renounce his throne on a public train like "Coming to America". Or at the very least sweep me off my feet and carry me away from some mundane job, like "An Officer and a Gentlemen" even if he just took me to lunch!

Somehow with all this in my head, I still managed to fall in love with my husband. But I still didn't really give up on my ideal Prince Charming. I was always waiting for that silver screen moment, secretly, silently hoping for that perfect tear jerking scene, where he says or does the perfect thing, in the perfect setting, ideally while   I have perfect hair. I mean decades of movies have very clearly portrayed what love and romance are supposed to look like but somehow nobody told my hubby his lines! I can't tell you how many anniversaries, birthdays and especially Valentine's days were ruined by my quiet (or maybe not so quiet) disappointment in my hubby's lack of Hollywood-like romance. I mean hadn't the man ever seen a movie???

I spent so much time resenting the lack of movie style romantic moments that. I was missing the real life romance in my marriage all around me. Romance isn't always a Hallmark card or candle-lit dinners. It's what makes you feel loved, cherished and special. Maybe he doesn't write me poetry, but he changes the lyrics in songs to my name.And sings them, loudly. He rarely surprises me with flowers, but he surprises me with Swedish Fish all the time (Seriously those things are like crack to me I eat a few bags a week). He has not challenged anyone to duel but he killed a pretty nasty looking spider while I stood on the bed shrieking in fear. He hasn't yet climbed that fire escape with the rose in his teeth, but he regular climbs on the roof for the kid's lost toys. How could I have ever doubted it? He's my perfect leading man.

Prince Charming, eat your heart out.


Comments

Anonymous said…
This comment has been removed by the author.
Anonymous said…
good job Shev! I hope Shawn appreciates your appreciation.
Unknown said…
Great post! I think we watched the exact same movies growing up. :)
Anonymous said…
Love this! It's so true that women have such an unrealistic view of love and romance because of how they are defined by Hollywood! If we just took a minute to define love & romance for ourselves, we would probably be much happier in our relationships. Bravo to you for taking that time!
Unknown said…
Great post! I have had similar disappointments with my husband because I was expecting him to show me his love one way and he showed it in his own way. He isn't very good at verbalizing how he feels but he shows me every day he loves me through his actions. Once I learned how to read his actions instead of waiting for the words, I was much happier and grateful for him!
Unknown said…
Abby you're lucky to have made that connection.
It's so nice to hear that I'm not the only one that catches myself expecting some magically romantic but unrealistic movie moment to arrive. Definitely good to step back and take notice of what we DO have! :)
Anonymous said…
I LOVE sweedish fish!! They're my fav too!

Popular posts from this blog

12 Things I've Learned From 12 Years of Marriage

As I celebrated a friend's upcoming nuptials at her bachelorette pool party, she jokingly asked for advice and wisdom before jumping the broom. To my defense, we had just done about 6 shots out of penis shaped shot glasses and I was not in shape to advise anybody about anything. Except on the dangers of mixing tequila and champagne. (Don't judge us, you don't know our lives) But now that I've had time to think about (and sober up) I decided to share with her and all y'all 12 Lessons I've Learned From 12 Years of Marriage. 1. Maintenance Matters-  When you buy a new car or a new home, you expect to put time, effort and money into keeping it running well. Something breaks, you fix it, a pipe bursts and you replace it. You take your car for regular tune-ups to keep everything in working order. These aren't the most pleasant of chores, but we do them because we want the pleasure of living in a nice home and riding in a nice car. Guess what? Your marri

The Mom Who Does Not Play Well With Others

" Go outside and play with the other kids! " That's something I heard too frequently growing up. They are probably words I hated hearing the most. Way more than " You're grounded" or "No TV", nothing filled me with more dread than that horrid phrase. I was a strange kid I suppose. You see, on stage at a dance recital or in a play, I was at home, I felt good. I felt safe. But eight six-year-olds in Brownie uniforms could induce cold sweats and projectile vomiting. Needless to say, my first Girl Scout meeting was my last. I don't really know why, I suppose that's a question for a psychologist someday. I do know that I just preferred to be alone. I come from a big family that was very close, with lots of birthday parties, BBQ's and family reunions. I have literally dozens of cousins. So at least twice a month all the families would find some reason to gather all together. Food, Music, Family, sounds great right? Yeah not to me. Why? Beca

The Giving Tree.... Gives Me A Much Needed Lesson

"The Giving Tree" is one of my favorite children's books. I must have read it a million times to my three older kids over the years, but Spike is just getting into story time so we never read it. I had mixed feelings when Spike's school announced that the school would be putting on a production of The Giving Tree as a musical. Happy because I love that story and I would get to share it with another one of my children and surprised and worried because his school hasn't had anything like this before and I wondered what it would be like. Let me explain. While Spike is very verbal and pretty high functioning, at least half of his school's student body is not. He attends a PK-3 all the way through 12th grade special education school. The student's disabilities range from mild learning disorders to kids on the spectrum to blind or deaf and severely physically and mentally disabled children. Please don't get me wrong, the school has been AMAZING for Spike