tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-44125141608319895402024-03-14T03:14:37.450-04:00I Just Want to Be SuperwomanMusings, Rants, Reviews, Dreams Found and LostAnonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02170968453519471587noreply@blogger.comBlogger50125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4412514160831989540.post-35288743269916955492017-07-28T11:59:00.000-04:002017-08-11T23:14:53.900-04:0012 Things I've Learned From 12 Years of MarriageAs I celebrated a friend's upcoming nuptials at her bachelorette pool party, she jokingly asked for advice and wisdom before jumping the broom. To my defense, we had just done about 6 shots out of penis shaped shot glasses and I was not in shape to advise anybody about anything. Except on the dangers of mixing tequila and champagne. (Don't judge us, you don't know our lives) But now that I've had time to think about (and sober up) I decided to share with her and all y'all <b><i>12 Lessons I've Learned From 12 Years of Marriage.</i></b><br />
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<b>1. Maintenance Matters-</b> When you buy a new car or a new home, you expect to put time, effort and money into keeping it running well. Something breaks, you fix it, a pipe bursts and you replace it. You take your car for regular tune-ups to keep everything in working order. These aren't the most pleasant of chores, but we do them because we want the pleasure of living in a nice home and riding in a nice car. Guess what? Your marriage requires regular maintenance too. Maintenance could mean therapy, couples retreats, reading books on marriage and relationships or even just having regular conversations where you take the temperature of your relationship and "diagnose" any areas that need to be repaired.<br />
<b><br /></b> <b>2. You Gotta Bend So You Don't Break-</b> You're gonna get hit with some shit storms. That's just the facts of life. Storms can be job loss, family sickness, financial crisis misunderstandings at home infertility, death, or just the pressures of juggling the everyday demands of life. Some these will be sun showers and some will be full blown category five hurricanes. If you want your marriage to survive you have to be strong and FLEXIBLE. Flexibility means you have a willingness to adapt to the changes you go through rather than fight them. Being flexible means letting go of trying to control the storm and leaving the outcome to the Universe. That kind of supple strength allows the winds to bend but not break you and when the storm clears, your marriage will still be standing.<br />
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3. <b>No Day Like Today</b>- One of the hardest things for me in a long term relationship is remembering to be present every day. In the last few year, I've been repeatedly reminded that tomorrow isn't promised. Taking time to truly enjoy time with your partner every day in just small ways. They may seem like simple gestures, but they mean a lot. A real kiss instead of a peck on the cheek. Holding hands while walking the dogs. Remembering to say I love you, how was your day, I've missed you, before launching into a litany of chores, complaints and what's for dinner talk, goes a long way towards staying connected.<br />
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4. <b>Watch Your Mouth </b>- It's super easy to complain about all the big and little things your spouse to aggravate you on a daily basis. Whether he forgot to take the garbage out or he forgot your anniversary, it's natural to want to vent about it to your friends or family. Let me tell you what I've learned. Repeatedly speaking out loud how careless, thoughtless annoying your mate is, not only causes your closest peeps to see him that way but causes you to keep seeing him that way. There is so much power in our thoughts and even more in the words, we speak out loud. The more I complained about how thoughtless he was, the more I started to see him that way. Conversely, when I am gushing over my man and talking about how romantic and affectionate he is, I start to see him that way more often and see his words and actions in that light. I also truly believe that it unconsciously causes him to raise his vibration to mine and match my his actions to my thoughts<br />
about him. Because LAW OF ATTRACTION...and all that jazz.<br />
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5. <b>It's All About The Benjamins Baby </b>- The worse things couple can do before marriage is NOT talk about money. Money is one of the biggest mysteries in relationships. Couples aren't sure how to talk about it. They don't know how to handle it. Many people have expectations that they never bother to voice out loud in the dating stage. They don't want to seem too nosey or demanding. Money matters. Have the conversation not once but often.<br />
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6. <b>The D Word</b> - When my husband and I were living together one of his biggest fears about getting married was getting a divorce. I 'll be honest the word has come up a few times (or more) in the last 12 years. But somewhere along the line, I realized it was the was cowards way out of an argument. When things get hard and they definitely do and I can't see an easy fix, just walking away from it. Or even threatening to, seems like the best way to end all the turmoil. But once we decided to take divorce off the table for good, it forced to find solutions to problems even when we previously thought there were none. If leaving your marriage is NOT an option, what choice do you have but to work through your issues and make it work?<br />
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7. <b>Forgiveness is hard AF</b> - Part of removing divorce from our vocabulary included learning to forgive. Forgiveness is hard. When we feel slighted, hurt or betrayed sometimes it's easier to hold on to that feeling, instead of opening yourself up, feeling the hurt and working through it. We don't want to be vulnerable again, so we hold onto the hurt as protection and a weapon against our spouses. Use it to keep them at arm's length. Forgiveness can be scary but it also is freeing. It frees up space in your heart to experience all the joys your marriage can offer.<br />
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8. <b>Breakfast isn't the only thing you need to serve in the morning</b>. - Mornings can be hectic when you have you are both rushing off to jobs, carpool lines and errands. Being short on time can lead to short tempers. Leftover resentments from last night argument over whose turn it was to do the dishes may still be lingering. You leave for the day with a half hearted goodbye or worse yet nothing but a slammed door. Don't begin your start your day on such a negative note, and don't send your mate off into the world with a negative feeling about his marriage and you! There are tons of distractions and temptations out in the world. Sending each other off for the day with kisses and I love yous can help shield you both from that. I'd rather have my husband walk out the door eager to get back to me at the end of the day.<br />
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9. <b>Their grass ain't really greener, it's a just a filter.</b> - I love social media, I really do. I stay out on these internet streets, BUT I am a realist. I love seeing images and videos of happy couples and families, but it can be tough not to compare your life and love to the pretty ones in your Instagram feed. You see a friend's wedding photos and compare it yours, You watch a viral engagement video and start giving your guy the side eye. You look at their #couplegoals photo complete with matching outfits and start to wonder "why can't we be like that?". I remind myself that they (everyone) puts their best moments out onto social media. That's what you are supposed to do! This doesn't mean they don't have the same or similar relationship struggles that you do. They just might be better editors.<br />
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10. <b>Falling in Love Isn't Hard Part.</b> - When we're younger we wonder if we will ever fall in love or whether anyone will ever be in love with us. It seemed like some mysterious chemistry experiment. That isn't the hard part at all. Staying in love is so much harder. Staying in love requires an abundance patience, no end of forgiveness, and a willingness and desire to keep learning the person your spouse will eventually evolve to. Falling in love with a 22-year-old and staying in love with a 42- year- old is going to require different skill sets. And maybe alcohol.<br />
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11. <b>Keep Knocking Boots</b>- I tried not to be crass, but the truth is sex is IMPORTANT. Whoever tells you it's not a big deal is a LIAR. Yes, you want companionship, support, friendship and all that out of your marriage and yes, you have to cultivate and maintain these bonds. But there is no substitute for a healthy and REGULAR sexual relationship. The question I get asked most often about my marriage by women is "Doesn't sex get boring with the same guy for so long?" My answer...."Hell Nah" There is a sexiness in the security of long term monogamy that allows you to be free to experiment without fear of judgment. I mean what's sexier than being with someone who's down for whatever?<br />
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12. <b>You Won't Live Happily Ever After</b>. - But that doesn't mean you won't be happy. The truth is I don't always like my husband and lawd knows he doesn't always like me. I was shocked and disturbed to realize this. I thought we are in love, we've started a family and we are married, we should always be smiling happy and this should be easy. Ain't no fairy tales, BISH. Many times we make the mistake of thinking that it will always be easy and if it isn't there is something terribly wrong. I don't agree. I think there will be hard times, there may even be terrible times. However, fortifying your relationship with unwavering commitment, an abundance of love and forgiveness, flexibility, a sense of humor and a lot of sex will make it easier to get through the shitty times and back to happy.<br />
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What have I missed? What are some key elements of keeping a relationship going?Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02170968453519471587noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4412514160831989540.post-42859082956451827152017-04-20T22:15:00.001-04:002017-04-22T22:00:16.491-04:0010 Things You Never Say To The Mom of An Autistic Child<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">In honor of Autism Awareness Month, I want to take some time out to do this favor on behalf of parents of ASD kids everywhere. MY ASD baby, Spike was diagnosed very early, at 2 years old. I was so overwhelmed in the beginning. I had so many new medical terms, symptoms, and procedures to learn in addition to the emotional strain of learning I would now be parenting a special needs child. I had a whole lot to learn and no time to do it. It was rough.</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">In the hope that I can save some other parents and well-meaning friends and family some hurt feelings and embarrassment. I have compiled </span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: italic; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 700; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">10 Things You Never Say To The Mom of An Autistic Child. </span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: italic; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">You’re welcome</span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: italic; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 700; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">.</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 700; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">He looks so normal</span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">. - What does this even mean? I don’t know what you think normal looks like or what autistic look like, but my son is fly AF. Thanks though...not.</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 700; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Oh, I’m so sorry!</span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"> - Listen..I get you may not know what to say. And maybe you’re noticing the amount of blood, sweat, and buckets of tears it can sometimes take to parent an ASD kid. But saying sorry makes us feel like you are pitying us and/or that you feel bad that we’ve created the funniest, coolest kid ever. Being this kid’s mom has helped me grow and love in ways I never knew possible, plus he is a genuinely great kid. I’m not sorry, you don’t need to be either. </span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 700; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"> Are you sure he’s autistic?</span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"> - Believe or not, because Spike is high-functioning, I get this a lot. Yes, he’s verbal and isn’t doing any of the behaviors you’ve seen on Rain Man, but after 3 doctors, 2 neurologists and a team of therapists. Yeah, I’m pretty sure.</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 700; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Oh, did you have him vaccinated?</span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"> Or that’s why I don’t vaccinate, Or anything that has the V word. This is a personal and very dangerous subject. There is a very big chance this could get you pimp slapped. Just. Don’t.</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 700; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">He just needs some discipline. Or, you need to spank him</span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">. - Now I’m sure there are times when we all have this thought while observing someone else’s child act out. However, this was actually said to me by an older woman, as my three-year-old had an absolute meltdown in Target after he lost the empty ketchup bottle he had been carrying everywhere for the last 6 weeks. (Don’t ask). At the time I was exhausted and had an equally cranky 5-year-old begging for McDonald’s. It’s possible I threatened to knock her dentures out. Any jury would have acquitted. An ASD kid’s tantrum isn’t the result of poor parenting. Any sort of sensory overload could have triggered a meltdown and a struggling parent might need some help or just an understanding smile. I don't need your judgment. And I don’t need a case.</span></div>
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<li dir="ltr" style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; list-style-type: decimal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;"><div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 700; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">I know all about that, my cousin’s best friend is autistic</span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">. - This isn’t all that bad considering some of the others, but if you know one autistic person, you just know one autistic person. Autism is a spectrum of disorders, with so many symptoms and behaviors that it’s unlikely my kid is anything like your family member.</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 700; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">He’s just being picky. He should eat whatever you give him. He’ll eat when he’s hungry.</span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"> - Actually, he won’t. And how many days should I starve him while I wait for his sensory issues with certain foods to miraculously cure themselves? Trying to force him just to taste it, will probably end with him throwing it up. And then my sensory issues will kick in, and I’ll throw up. Who needs this drama? </span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 700; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Oh, he doesn’t seem that bad</span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">. - This has been said to me many times, in response to “My son is autistic.” I didn’t say he was bad, I said he is autistic. Autism isn’t bad, and there isn’t anything wrong with him. He just interacts with the world differently than you or I. Different can be a beautiful thing.</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 700; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">So what can he do</span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">? - I admit, I was thrown by this at first. Like what do you think he is, a trick pony? I know many movies about folks on the spectrum will highlight a special talent or genius they have. Though my son does have some special talents, like a crazy sick memory, I don’t know that it has to do with his autism and many ASD kids don’t. It’s not a buy one get one free kind of deal. </span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 700; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Will he always be like that?</span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"> - Will he always have Autism? Yes. Will he always be reciting entire TV episodes to himself, humming to self soothe, or whatever atypical behavior you are noticing at the moment? To tell the truth I don’t know, there are behaviors and symptoms he had for years that have disappeared and new ones have taken their place. There is no road map to autism, I’m just along for the ride.</span></div>
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<br />Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02170968453519471587noreply@blogger.com0Fort Lauderdale, FL, USA26.1224386 -80.13731740000002925.8943676 -80.460040900000024 26.3505096 -79.814593900000034tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4412514160831989540.post-76437421336014452832016-03-23T15:08:00.001-04:002016-05-09T20:11:57.991-04:00Autism- The Unexpected GuestYou spend 9 months expecting a baby and you are pretty much aware of what comes with it. You read the baby books or in my case you rely on the experiences you gained from your previous children.<br />
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You are pretty much ready and resigned to all that is coming, Sleepless nights, sore breasts, exploding diapers, teething toddlers. These are phases, though. Tough times with a tangible end in sight. You can always say I can't wait until he can sleep through the night, feed himself, use the potty.<br />
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8 years ago when I gave birth to my last child, he wasn't the only new addition to our family. He brought an uninvited guest. His guest was unannounced and took very little time before making his presence known.<br />
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In the beginning, the guest was very loud and obnoxious, he always made his presence known. In his phobia of strangers. His crankiness in bright lights or loud noisy areas. His aversion to certain textures. His inability to be soothed. As a toddler, he grew with you into your obsessiveness with that empty ketchup bottle. His inability to hold conversations but amazing talent for repeating an entire episode of Blue Clues verbatim. His refusal to swallow certain food and so he'd store them in his cheeks. His sheer terror of preschool.<br />
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These weren't the phases I had prepared for. These weren't the baby and toddler hurdles, I'd easily jumped before with the help of the knowledge that, it's just a phase. It'll be over soon. I had no idea if and when these things would change. I cried a lot. I raged a lot. I worried all the time. I spent so much time organizing the world around him to try and meet a need before he knew he'd need it.<br />
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Things have changed dramatically but your guest is still with us. After years of tears (his and mine) in therapy so much has changed. He still does better in a calm environment, but noise and bright lights no longer terrify him. While still are uneasy with textures, he walks on sand and fingerpaints. He still memorizes tv shows and watches movies on repeat . But it's no longer his only form of communication. This year he ate eggs! For the first time and not only did he not gag, he loved them and asks for them all the time now. He's left his special school and is in a regular class and academically ahead of your grade. Who would have imagined this when he sat in that first day of preschool, face covered by a blanket and screamed for hours until they called me to come back.<br />
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And I feel like I should be able to exhale now. I should have shed the worry. He's passed all those the phases. Maybe his guest will go home.<br />
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But I'm not exhaling. I'm still holding my breath, I'm still worried. I'm still terrified. Because Autism never goes home, or goes on vacation or even takes a coffee break.<br />
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There is still so much I don't know. So many ways his guest shows up dressed a little differently today than yesterday. But he's always there. Always with him. I still spend an inordinate amount of time trying to preempt tantrums, meltdowns and fears he might have. I analyze and reanalyze every quirk. The anxiety before and then relief, then anger after every parent-teacher conference when they say he's doing well DESPITE his autism. The stress of constant doctors therapist and the rest it never stops. being a constant advocate for him. It exhausts. Every emotion, action and fear is calculated to find out if this is his guest or just a child's behavior. Being a constant advocate for Spike and his guest with teachers, doctors, friends and family is non-stop. And no, there is not tangible end in sight. This isn't a phase.<br />
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I was tired. and resentful, yes I'm not perfect. I can admit it. I wished he would go away and just leave my baby boy to me. Even after all this time, I have come to the realization that it's never going to happen.<br />
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In the last few months, I've come to realize, autism isn't a guest, it isn't a separate entity. It's part of you. I can no longer fight autism and embrace you. It's a part of you always, no matter how it is manifesting at the time. I have to let go of the thought that "this isn't him, it's the autism" It's all him ....and his Autism, And I'm okay with that. Finally, I'm okay with it.<br />
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Because everything Spikey is, is amazing, is wonderful, is magical...not despite his autism, not even because of it. But because he is Spike.... <i>with</i> autism. And maybe it was unexpected, but all of the parts of him..are welcome.<br />
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<br />Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02170968453519471587noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4412514160831989540.post-40431604750417024632015-11-05T12:48:00.000-05:002015-11-05T12:48:07.694-05:00Who Protects our Children?Yes, I know I haven't posted in many, many months, but we will deal with that later. There is something so pressing and so heavy on my heart and mind that I needed to address it here, in this space, where I am a Mommy first.<br />
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I know we have all seen the video of the Spring Valley student slammed to the ground and literally dragged like a rag doll out of her classroom. This blog isn't even about that. As disgusting and criminal (Yes I said criminal) as his actions were, he's not why I'm here to vent.<br />
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I am appalled NO horrified and disappointed and disgusted by how many responded to that video with, "But what did she do? or We can't see what she did before? Or well why didn't she just leave the class or give up the cell phone"" Black parents, grandparents, aunts, uncles all actively LOOKING for a reason to blame this child for this man's horrific violence and contempt towards her. As if there HAS to be another reason for a white police officer would behave that way towards a child. I find myself almost shaking in rage as some of you so VERY blind to the propaganda began a few days later to post a year old video of some students harassing and abusing another teacher in another school, with comments of "these children need their asses whipped, etc". You sir, mam, make it okay for that officer in Spring Valley to behave that way. And you are the problem. And I know exactly what it is.<br />
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Once several years ago when my oldest child was a toddler, as I sat in a pediatrician's office with my child I had what does Oprah call them??... " an a-ha moment" that changed the way I parent. My doctor's office is in an upper-middle-class neighborhood. The crowd in the waiting area was very racially mixed. There were many small children in the crowded waiting area so it got a little loud and rowdy. One little blond child was a bit rowdier than the others. He was climbing on the toy chairs, marching across, singing loudly...He was everywhere, touching everything..something 4-year-old boys do. He was funny and cute and so I shared that little secret mom smile that you share with moms, as she nursed her smaller child.<br />
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As I looked around I noticed other black parents starting to give THAT look, you know that look, don't act like you don't! They exchanged glances and knowing looks, facial expression visibly tightening because the audacity of this child to act LIKE A CHILD.And how dare his mother not stop him and discipline him, "There were audible whispers among the black mothers of why she can't CONTROL her child. He wasn't malicious or out of control just a little wild, a little free like kids are supposed to be. And then the inevitable happened, other children started to join his one-man parade. And one by one most (not all) of the black moms told their kids, to stop, sit down, be quiet. One older grandmother snatched the child of the chair, absently smacked her legs and told her to sit be quiet and stop making so much commotion. Soon after the mom took the blonde boy into his appointment and the other parents seemed to sigh with relief. At the time, I couldn't understand why I was so bothered by this scenario. After that, I noticed it everywhere, all the time, black moms, that looked like me telling their children who looked like mine, to be still, quiet, sit down, don't laugh so loud. Now I realized what the problem was with that little boy. He walked through that waiting room freely as though he belongs there. That little blonde boy was just running exploring this space, this world like he owns it. Do we as black parents tend to feel like ours do not? We have this overwhelming need to prove that our children are DISCIPLINED. Why are we so consumed with making sure our children are <b><i>non-threatening</i></b>, well-trained, unassuming. Shouldn't our children feel like they have the right to explore this world at will also? Shouldn't they feel like this world is theirs for the taking? How will they ever know it? Especially if at every attempt at freedom, they get it beat out of them?<br />
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I reject the idea that beating our children is black culture, it's SLAVE culture. Some scholars have argued that beating children in the black community serves as some sort of traumatic reenactment of the brutal violence experienced during slavery, a remnant of centuries-old barbarity. However, there are those in the black community who make a larger argument that the strict punishment of black children is necessary. Physical discipline at the hands of a loved one is preferable to the always-looming life-and-death threat of white supremacist violence. We are so afraid that someone else may hurt our children, so we hurt them first, to keep them in their place. Corporal punishment has been internalized from slavery practices meant to keep black children from crossing the slave master and incurring a harsher fate and is now used to prevent African-American children from angering police officers and incurring the same.(however, my news feed proves time and time again that this doesn't actually work, beating your child doesn't save them from violence elsewhere, especially from the police) The result is routinization of black-on-black violence.<br />
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It's time we wake up.<br />
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You can break the chain. YOU can make a difference.<br />
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Someone has to let our children know, that their bodies are precious. How can they respect themselves and each other when we don't. How will the world know it's not okay to hurt our children? Who will tell people like racist officer Ben Fields that black and brown bodies are not punching bags, when we routinely and PUBLICLY tell the world that the way to get our children to "Act Right" is too whoop them?<br />
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My children will know. They will know that violence against them is unacceptable. That they own their bodies and nobody has the right to hurt and abuse them in any way, even out of some misdirected sense of love or tradition.<br />
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<br />Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02170968453519471587noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4412514160831989540.post-64999937139333094592014-11-23T19:30:00.002-05:002014-11-23T19:40:21.530-05:00Art Basel Miami Beach 2014 - Artist to Watch - Troy SimmonsIt's that time of year. Art Basel will descend on Miami next month so get ready! With events jam-packed from December 2nd to the 7th, it's hard to know which are the hottest shows attend, Luckily my new publication <a href="http://www.getbossymag.com/" target="_blank">BOSSY</a> is to the rescue. BOSSY invites it's readers to check out Art Basel - One to Watch- Troys Simmons.<br />
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Local artist Troy Simmons has immersed himself in his latest artwork, exploring the</div>
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evolution of urbanism and nature’s persistence to coexist. A consistent theme, which echoes</div>
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true to his intense fascination with nature and modern Brutalist Architecture.</div>
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Under the direction of JanKossen Contemporary Art Gallery in Basel, Switzerland, Simmons will</div>
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showcase his new concrete work during a solo show at CONTEXT Miami Art Fair December</div>
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2nd-7th at booth #E75. He will also have several pieces on display at SCOPE Art Show Miami Beach.</div>
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His massive, large-scale concrete canvases are a mix of acrylic paints and raw materials. At first</div>
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glance, the magnitude of his work is clearly realized. Most of his pieces weight over 100</div>
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pounds. A rough and raw relationship often described as a cataclysmic illustration of urbanism.</div>
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Simmons calls his work a “re-incarnation of the Arte Povera genre” where the inclusion of</div>
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simple natural elements, such as wood and soil takes an integral part in the creation of the art.</div>
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His intended goal is to create a playful mix of the hard and soft, expressing the ideological</div>
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perceptions of binary relationships</div>
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Rochi Llaneza, Former Executive Director of Hardcore Contemporary Art, curated his first show</div>
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his ecological charged pieces is clearly reflected in his use of re-purposed materials.”</div>
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The inspiration behind his latest collection evolved after a recent trip to Germany. He spent</div>
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Simmons currently works as a full-time artist, but his educational background is in Architecture</div>
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University and earned a degree in Architectural Design.</div>
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Simmons is a Resident Artist at the Bakehouse Artist Complex in Miami’s Wynwood Art District.</div>
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Sample of his current work at <a href="http://www.troysimmonsstudio.com./">www.TroySimmonsStudio.com.</a> </div>
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If you'd like to see Troy Simmons at CONTEXT Miami Art Fair with complimentary passes. leave a comment with why you love Art Basel and I'll pick the top five answers.</div>
Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02170968453519471587noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4412514160831989540.post-51422928798136613772014-11-17T23:31:00.000-05:002014-11-17T23:31:42.590-05:00Parenting Curve-ball...I wasn't ready!This crazy journey into Autism has had more than one surprise along the way. Ever since the first diagnosis, there has been one curve ball after another.<br />
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After first learning that Spikey was on the spectrum and then every other twist and turn, from doctors, schools, therapists and Spike himself has been a continuous roller coaster ride. It can start to feel like you are holding your breath waiting for the other 10,000 shoes to drop.<br />
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Presently though, we are at a time where everything is copacetic. By this I mean, I basically know where we stand. He currently likes Sponge Bob and will recite an episode word for word. He will vomit if he even thinks he ate a vegetable. He will spin and and rock if he gets overwhelmed. He loves his routine. Even when he has meltdowns, I am somewhat prepared, I can basically see them coming. I know his triggers and try to navigate accordingly.<br />
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Despite this, he is doing extremely well. He is in a mainstream class, and he's down to 2 therapists a week AND he's even playing Tee-ball in a mainstream league. Everything was going along great, no bumps, no surprises. And then it hit me curve ball out of nowhere. Just when I thought Autism held no more surprises for me.<br />
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<b><i>"Mommy do I have autism?" </i></b><br />
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Cue the needle scratch across the record,,,What??? I had been working on an article for my magazine and Spike was on the couch beside me playing Cut the Rope on his new <a href="http://www.amazon.com/Fire-Edition-Display-Wi-Fi-Kid-Proof/dp/B00LOR524M" target="_blank">Kindle Fire</a> when this seemingly innocent question just tore my heart in two. No warning, no buildup, I wasn't ready!<br />
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Now it's been 5 years and I thought I had long since come to terms with Spike's diagnosis, but in that moment I was back in the cold sterile neurologist office hearing her spout letters that had no meaning to me SPD, PPD-NOS and ASD. I was reeling. I was shook, I was sucker punched.<br />
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I let out a little choke and a cough and said "what did you say baby?" Because maybe, by some miracle I heard him wrong, At this point I'm praying I heard him wrong. Of course he's annoyed with me now, because he thinks I'm not paying attention. So he puts down the tablet and says "You're not listening to me! Do I have autism?"<br />
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And as I look into his face, that innocent face, my mind is racing every which way. Who told him this? How does he know? I've never heard him say this word? I know I've never told him this, but I didn't know it was a secret. It feels like he just spilled some secret. This word I've worked so hard to overcome and accept and embrace, sounds alien and scary on his lips, This word this diagnosis that only barely describes him. It explains his rocking, and spinning and why doesn't like his foods to touch or his hair brushed. It tells why walks on his toes and hums to himself, why I have to cut all the tags out of his clothes, why he speech is scripted and repetitive. But it doesn't describe him. It doesn't describe how he's sweet and gentle , how he hugs me and tell me I'm his best mommy friend. It doesn't tell how his memory is almost perfect and he never forgets anything he hears or sees. It doesn't describe his love for baseball, One Direction and pizza. It doesn't define him. I know this,<br />
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But that doesn't explain why my palms are sweating, my throat is dry and I'm blinking back tears.I don't want it to matter to him. I don't want him to feel other or different. I want him to feel normal, accepted, loved. He's so sensitive, so vulnerable. What if someone teases him? Or hurts his feelings. I can't even begin to form a coherent thought now. I need to think of some really good explanation, comforting platitudes I need to be strong for him. So I'm just staring at him. He gets up and holds my face and says:<br />
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<b><i>Mommy do you hear me?</i></b><br />
<b><i>I said yes </i></b><br />
<b><i>He says it again! " Do I have autism? "</i></b><br />
<b><i>I said yes Bobo you do...</i></b><br />
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<b>He said " Oh Cool..."</b><br />
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<b><br /></b>Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02170968453519471587noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4412514160831989540.post-26709103977808432962014-11-14T15:08:00.001-05:002014-11-14T15:09:16.897-05:00November is Gratitude Month Week 2So I decided to be grateful daily but talk about it weekly. Not because I'm lazy (well not totally) but because I'm so crazy busy lately, which is one of the things I'm grateful about. In my grateful project, I'm trying to train myself to be grateful in every situation even when it's not my natural primary emotion. So here goes:
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This week;<br />
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I am grateful for the drop in temperatures, I'm sure the rest of the world might not agree, BUT here in south Florida the land of almost never ending summer. these 70 degree mornings and late evenings make me feel like a parolee out on a furlough<br />
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I am grateful for the success and growth of my two new businesses, My Magazine <a href="http://www.getbossymag.com/" target="_blank">BOSSY! </a>and my networking group <a href="http://www.bossmoms.org/" target="_blank">BOSS MOMS</a>.<br />
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I am grateful that I was brave enough to put my my ASD kid on a mainstream Tee Ball team and that he's thriving and having fun. I'm even grateful for the mini heart attacks I have every time he's up to bat. He has only had two tiny meltdown, I'd say that's a roaring success.<br />
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I'm grateful than Anne Rice finally released a new Vampire Chronicle. I am grateful that I had enough vacation days saved that I could take one day off just to read it. I know that's ridiculous, I DON'T CARE.<br />
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Although I'm a loner by nature, I'm grateful for all the people I've met lately who encourage and<br />
inspire me.<br />
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I'm grateful for invites to advanced movie screenings so I can sneak in date nights while working :)<br />
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I'm grateful that my husband killed a really big bug this week because I just CANNOT.<br />
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I'm grateful that egg nog is on the shelves at Publix.<br />
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I'm grateful that I have another event filled week in which I'm sure to find more joy in the everyday things.<br />
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I'm grateful for time. Time to be and do new things everyday. Isn't that best gift of all?<br />
<br />Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02170968453519471587noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4412514160831989540.post-68523539364895203912014-11-04T21:37:00.000-05:002014-11-04T21:39:12.482-05:00November is Gratitude MonthActually I have no idea, if it's really gratitude month, but it it is for me. I'm going to find something to be grateful for everyday until Thanksgiving. I'm trying to expand the practice of gratefulness in my everyday life, as a buy mom and businesswoman. You have a tendency to get bogged down in the everyday. I can spend a lot of time pursuing future successes instead of celebrating every day ones, I am promising myself to notice all the beauty, wonder and all around awesomeness in my own life everyday.<br />
I tried this once and I failed miserably, But this time I'm ready. Yeah I know it's 4 days in and I'm already late But it's cool because I have 4 things to be grateful for already...So here goes.<br />
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1. As it's November 4th Election day for midterms, I'm grateful for the right to vote. I exercised my civic duty muscles today and it felt good to do my part.<br />
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2. I am grateful that Spikey participated in Halloween this year without any major hitches. My fellow autism moms know that can be a disaster.He tried a different costume ( a magician) instead of insisting on the same one from the last three years (uggh that tired pirate costume). he said trick or treat and happy Halloween and told me this was the best day ever.<br />
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3. Spikey ate an egg Sunday. I know that sounds mundane, but he has never eaten eggs in his entire life. His sensory issues make him reluctant to try many foods. But he had two. (okay I paid him a dollar to bite the first one, judge me, I don't even care) He told me he likes these "boiling eggs". I cried. Good day.<br />
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4. I took a chance on a dream of mine and launched my own lifestyle magazine. That's also why I've been absent from here for a bit, But I'm back... The magazine is doing well and I'm so grateful for all the people who believed in me and helped me with this huge an exciting project. you can check it out <a href="http://www.getbossymag.com/" target="_blank">here</a><br />
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Okay 4 days down 23 more to go!<br />
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photo credit: <a href="https://www.flickr.com/photos/deniscollette/2938367539/">Denis Collette...!!!</a> via <a href="http://photopin.com">photopin</a> <a href="http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-nc-nd/2.0/">cc</a>
Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02170968453519471587noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4412514160831989540.post-38975406830717559582014-09-03T10:00:00.000-04:002014-09-03T10:00:00.965-04:003 Tips on Finding Time For Yourself<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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As a mom-preneur who works full-time and juggles the lives of four children and a husband, finding time for myself is a small challenge. Who am I kidding it's a HUGE challenge. I used to end every day feeling worn out, unproductive and overwhelmed. My to-do list was never ending. And even though I was always busy, I never felt like I accomplished as much as I needed to. I had to make decision to jump off the hamster wheel. I had to start reclaiming my time. You can too.<br />
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Here's my Top 3 Tips for finding some time for YOU!<br />
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<b>Tip # 1 Give up on Perfect and Learn to Prioritize</b><br />
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I used to try to everything perfectly. I thought if I could serve perfectly executed gourmet meals to perfectly behaved children in perfectly decorated home, that my life would be well, perfect. I figured that a lot of the pressure I was feeling was coming from within. That all changed when I stopped competing with myself. I had to learn to prioritize. I don't mean just putting your to-do list in order. The first step to prioritizing is too figure out whats really important to you. Then write it down. Is it family time, couple time, growing your business going back to school, keeping in touch with old friends or volunteering for your favorite cause or a school? Whatever tops your list, those are your priorities! For me it's time with my husband and kids, my business, my physical and mental health, and spending time with family and friends. So anything that I'm asked to do that doesn't go towards one of these priorities, I say no. Should I play a game and spend a couple of hours laughing with my family or go to happy hour with co-workers I barely know because it's expected. For me, it's game time! Because the happy hour although nice, doesn't fit into my priority categories. Your categories will be different and that's perfectly okay. This is about doing what's right for you. Once you have a clear priority list, you feel much less guilty saying no to obligations or requests that don't fit your list. Protect your time by setting boundaries and keeping them by not answering emails or the telephone or texts during that time. I set aside a certain amount of time each week for my blog, my freelance work, my new company. And I protect it. I set aside time each week for a lunch date with my husband. I protect that. My teenager and I watch Teen Wolf every Monday night. I protect that.<br />
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<b>Tip #2 Have a Plan (For EVERYTHING!)</b><br />
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I know this sounds yucky, kind of like have a budget (gasp!). But trust me it works. You don't have to have a full minute by minute plan, (although I kinda do) but a family routine of what time everyone gets up, goes to school, eats meals, goes to bed can save your sanity. Raising children can be a circus, a routine can help insert some structure the chaos. Children function better when they know what's happening next. Adults too for that matter.My trick to having a routine is that I plan almost everything. I use a meal planner and grocery list when I shop. I meal plan for two weeks at a time and I add the meals on my weekly calendar. This can seem like a daunting task at first, however a little extra prep time 2-3 times a month saves me time precious time in that after work rush hour of homework help, dinner, and baseball practice. I don't wonder what I have. I don't need to run to the store for potatoes . Because I have I always have a weeks worth of planned meals and all the ingredients ready. I also do this for packed lunches for hubby and I it saves time, my budget and waistline since i don't have to run out for expensive, unhealthy fast food because I didn't have anything to bring for lunch.<br />
I also have a cleaning plan. I used to work full-time years ago and I never thought I had time for housekeeping and laundry on the weekdays, I waited until the weekend and we did ALL the chores then. Needless to say, I started all my weeks started just as exhausted as I ended them. I never had break and the kids were pouting. Who wants to spend all day Saturday scrubbing floors? This time as I went back into the workforce, I figured there had to be a better way. Now I have a cleaning schedule for instance instead of spending 8 hours on Sunday doing a weeks worth of laundry for 6 people. I put one load in for one person everyday before I leave for work. I put it in the dryer when I get home, then I give it to that kid to fold and put away. Everyone has an assigned laundry day. We all do one of of those "Saturday Chores" dusting, mopping, cleaning a bathroom, during a specific weekday, so by Saturday afternoon, I have time to play and my house is still clean! I also plan the fun stuff. Every other month or so I go shopping on sites like Groupon or Living Social for local outings in my area. I buy quite a few things at once, museum passes, brunches at a restaurant I've never been to, an art class. This way when that chore free Saturday rolls around or our weekly (okay maybe bi-weekly) date night rolls around we've always got something to do. It took some time to get plans together that worked for me, but the reward is more time to put towards things I love.<br />
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<b>Tip #3 Make Appointments with Yourself and Keep Them</b><br />
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Now that your dinners are all planned and your household is running semi-smoothly. What are you going to do with all that free time on your hands? If you don't make an appointment with yourself, probably nothing. When you have a business meeting or a school conference or even a date with your spouse, you write it down, or put a reminder in your phone. You keep that appointment because it's important obviously I mean you wrote it PEN. You don't want to disappoint anyone, even if there's other things you could be doing, you keep that appointment. You should do the same for yourself. Figure out the things you enjoy doing that are all about you. for me it was working out, reading, and getting my nails done. But I tend to put these things that I love to aside for other people or events that seem more important. Once I started actually scheduling them on my calendar in PEN, I started keeping those appointments. If I want to read on Tuesday night from 9-10 on Thursday after work, I'm trying that new yoga class I write it down in my calendar and I keep it. Treat an appointment with yourself the same way you do your boss or your doctor. You're just as important.<br />
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I hope my tips are helpful in streamlining your schedule and finding some much needed YOU time. What are some ways you make time for yourself?<br />
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<br />Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02170968453519471587noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4412514160831989540.post-2743859094349589132014-08-26T12:13:00.000-04:002014-08-26T12:13:04.247-04:00Kid's Academy Company App Reviews<br />
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I was selected by Sverve and Kids Academy Apps to Review the following Learning Apps from Preschoolers:<br />
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<span style="background-color: white; color: #474747; font-family: 'Lucida Grande', 'Lucida Sans Unicode', Arial, Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 22px; font-weight: bold; line-height: 28px;">Learn To Read & Write Kid’ Puzzles </span><br />
<span style="background-color: white; color: #474747; font-family: 'Lucida Grande', 'Lucida Sans Unicode', Arial, Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 22px; font-weight: bold; line-height: 28px;"><br /></span>
<span id="docs-internal-guid-292207d5-1303-0761-756f-1f6f07d2cd81"></span><br />
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">I kept both my four year old niece and my 6 year old ASD son occupied and happy with this app during a busy day full of errands. Although it was more of a review for the 6 year old, he loved it and who couldn't use help with their handwriting. The four year old got the most “learning” use out of the app a she has just started Pre-K, she loved tracing the letters and both kids loved the dog playing in the maze. The graphics are bright and engaging and it may become a favorite for kids and myself. </span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="background-color: white; color: #474747; font-family: 'Lucida Grande', 'Lucida Sans Unicode', Arial, Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 22px; font-weight: bold; line-height: 28px; white-space: normal;">Preschool & Kindergarten Learning Kids Games Free For Toddlers and Preschool Children </span></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="background-color: white; color: #474747; font-family: 'Lucida Grande', 'Lucida Sans Unicode', Arial, Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 22px; font-weight: bold; line-height: 28px; white-space: normal;"><br /></span></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">This app was more appropriate for my younger nieces and nephews. So I let them go at it. They loved catching the fireflies and tracing the numbers and letters. Since they are just starting out in school, this is a great tool for enrichment. I told them it was homework. They liked the fun look of the game and it kept them busy for a full 20 minutes thats ages for a preschooler!</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="background-color: white; color: #474747; font-family: 'Lucida Grande', 'Lucida Sans Unicode', Arial, Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 22px; font-weight: bold; line-height: 28px; white-space: normal;">Kids Puzzles preschool math games for girls and boys ∙ Toddlers learn 123 tracing with paint sparkles draw drill </span></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="background-color: white; color: #474747; font-family: 'Lucida Grande', 'Lucida Sans Unicode', Arial, Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 22px; font-weight: bold; line-height: 28px; white-space: normal;"><br /></span></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">All three kids fro 3-6 loved this game, they loved to trace the numbers and get medals! I could actually see the form and shape of their numbers getting better as they kept playing. I thought it wouldn't keep them engaged for long but I was wrong. This one is a keeper! </span></div>
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Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02170968453519471587noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4412514160831989540.post-8537788900810058082014-08-25T12:56:00.001-04:002014-08-25T12:56:57.606-04:00Parental ResponsibilitiesThis post is a plea to white moms. The ones I wave to in the carpool line and serve with on the PTA. The ones I casually chat with at school orientation and in the stands at baseball. The one sitting next to me last week at the playground while we discussed affordable aftercare and food allergies. I know all parents have some parental duty that they hate. Many parents don't like diaper duty, or doctor's visits or PTA meetings. But we do it anyway. Most parents dread that nightmare-inducing birds and bees conversation. These are universal parental concerns that cross all class, race and gender divides. However as much, as I'd like to ignore it, there are certain parental responsibilities that are unique to me as the mother of black boy.<br />
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All though our children live in the same neighborhood, have been classmates all their lives and play videogames and Little League together, they're not the same. Their experiences as they grow into young men will be vastly different. There are lessons we'll both try to teach our sons, but my son will always have an extra set of rules that will apply to him exclusively. While I stand in the playground watching my son play on the swings with yours, I realized in addition to teaching my son his ABC's, how to say please and thank you and how to look both ways before crossing the street, I also have to teach him how not to get killed by yours. Does this sound harsh? Are you shocked? Welcome to the world of black motherhood..<br />
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<span style="color: #333333; font-family: inherit;"><span style="font-size: 15px; line-height: 21px;">When your son starts venturing out on his own, even to the </span></span><span style="color: #333333;"><span style="font-size: 15px; line-height: 21px;">neighborhood</span></span><span style="color: #333333;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="font-size: 15px; line-height: 21px;"> store, I'm sure you'll worry. You'll worry about what if he gets lost, what if he gets hit by a car. I will too. As my son zips up the same school approved hoody sweatshirt they both wear, I'll wonder if his makes him look thuggish or threatening. I'll also wonder if some wanna-be in the neighborhood watch will kill my son as he walks home with his iced tea and candy. And so I'm afraid , and I'll teach him to be afraid. </span></span><span style="font-size: 15px; line-height: 21px;">R.I.P</span><span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="font-size: 15px; line-height: 21px;"> Trayvon Martin.</span></span></span><br />
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<span style="background-color: white;"><span style="color: #333333; font-family: inherit;"><span style="font-size: 15px; line-height: 21px;">When our boys start dating, we'll be nervous, we'll teach him how to be respectful and be a gentlemen and even to practice safe sex. While I'd love to tell him to feel free to date and to love across all racial barriers, I'll be afraid that as he goes to shake hands introduce himself to his white girlfriend's policeman father, he'll shoot him down in the street, while her policewoman mother watches from the car. So I'm afraid and I'll have to teach him to be afraid. R.I.P Jeremy Lake.</span></span></span><br />
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<span style="background-color: white;"><span style="color: #333333;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="font-size: 15px; line-height: 21px;">When our college bound sons are hanging out with their friends and see police approach, I'm sure although you've taught your son to be respectful of law enforcement as have I. Your son will barely notice the officers. Mine will </span></span><span style="font-size: 15px; line-height: 21px;">instinctively</span><span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="font-size: 15px; line-height: 21px;"> feel fear and loathing. So I will teach my son to be respectful, to be afraid, to try to be invisible, because his very </span></span><span style="font-size: 15px; line-height: 21px;">existence</span><span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="font-size: 15px; line-height: 21px;"> on any given street can be seen as threat. Unarmed and innocent and hands in the air, he could still lose his life. So I'm very afraid and he will be too. R.I.P Mike Brown.</span></span></span></span><br />
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<span style="background-color: white;"><span style="color: #333333;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="font-size: 15px; line-height: 21px;">You might read this and wonder "what can I do?" Or I'm not a racist and neither are my kids so this doesn't apply to me. But it does! There's so much you can do! You can talk to your children about race. Please none of that "everybody is equal" or "everyone should be treated the same" generic bullshit. That means nothing to a child, it means nothing to me either. I mean really talk to your kids.On average black families start talking to their kids about race around age 3, for white families age 13. Even then, they are pacified with generic platitudes of just treat everyone fairly, all the while being bombarded in the media with anti brown/black/gay/Jewish sentiment daily. That one MLK Day play they were in at </span></span><span style="font-size: 15px; line-height: 21px;">school</span><span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="font-size: 15px; line-height: 21px;"> in the third grade is not the end if the race discussion.Talk to them about history and racism. Explain to them what discrimination is. Ask them questions about racism they may have seen themselves. Ask them how they feel about racism. Tell them what they can do to stop it. Don't tolerate racism from other relatives, many parents have a tendency to sit in uncomfortable silence at the Thanksgiving table while that one relative makes </span></span><span style="font-size: 15px; line-height: 21px;">disparaging</span><span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="font-size: 15px; line-height: 21px;"> </span></span><span style="font-size: 15px; line-height: 21px;">racist</span><span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="font-size: 15px; line-height: 21px;"> comments. They tell their children to ignore it, this translates to allow it. Teach your kids to stand up for what's right. Talk to them about Trayvon Martin, Jeremy Lake and Mike </span></span></span></span><span style="color: #333333;"><span style="font-size: 15px; line-height: 21px;">Brown. This is YOUR parental responsibility. You, my fellow carpool, PTA, soccer mom, yes you! I'm asking you to share the load, to share the responsibility of keeping my sons safe from yours.</span></span><br />
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<span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: Georgia, Century, Times, serif; font-size: 15px; line-height: 21px;"><br /></span>Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02170968453519471587noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4412514160831989540.post-49760715508895444052014-05-19T21:29:00.000-04:002014-05-19T21:49:47.861-04:00I Just Finished Reading: Dads of Disability<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Dads of Disability is a collection of essays, poems and stories by and about Dads and how they cope with being a father to a disabled child. These stories were collected and edited by Gary Dietz, also a father to a disabled child.</span><br />
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Author's Synopsis-<br />
<br />
<b><i>" <span style="background-color: white; color: #181818; font-family: Georgia, serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 19.31999969482422px;">This is not a 'how-to' book or a book of '5-ways to do this' or '10-ways to do that.' Rather, this collection uses a storytelling approach to illuminate the emotional lives of these fathers. Dads of Disability will begin or extend the conversation between and amongst fathers, mothers, extended families, care circles, and individuals with disabilities themselves. This </span></i></b><b><i><span style="background: white; color: #181818; font-family: "Georgia","serif"; font-size: 10.5pt;">book is for
fathers and mothers. For friends and support circles. For care professionals.
For teachers. For friends trying to understand their neighbor's challenges. For
anyone interested in the variety of the emotional lives of fathers whose
children experience a disability. "</span></i></b><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13.5pt;">Each
essay or poem gives an in depth look inside the mind and heart of a dad at
various crucial and defining moments in his parenthood journey. These are not
just feel good Hallmark stories. These aren't stories of saints in suits
swooping in like Superman saving the day without breaking a sweat. No, these
are real dads dealing with real life struggles of parenting a disabled child.
And while they do sometimes save the day, the men in these stories don't want
to be seen as heroes. They just want to be seen as dads.</span><span style="font-size: 13.5pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13.5pt;"><br />
Every story is brutally honest, such as the story of the man who admits that he
considered running away in a time of weakness and despair, but after
contemplating the benefits of own childhood with a present, dependable and
steadfast father in his life, has no choice but to reconsider.</span><span style="font-size: 13.5pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13.5pt;">One
father talks about how reluctant he was to consider his wife's observations
that "something was wrong". His struggle to overcome denial and walk
into acceptance is a journey any parent of a child with disability can
appreciate.</span><span style="font-size: 13.5pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13.5pt;"><br />
Another dad talks about learning, accepting and respecting his son's limits. He
learns the hard way that there's a thin line between encouraging and pushing
too hard.</span><span style="font-size: 13.5pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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Still another dad talks about the anticipation he felt when learning he was of
having a son. He reminisces on how he planned to bond and to share
father and son activities with his child. His child's severe disabilities
changed all of those well-laid plans. This dad had to learn to adjust, accept and
appreciate the kind of relationship he can have with son.</span><span style="font-size: 13.5pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13.5pt;"><br />
The are also stories by women about the dads of these children. One of my
personal favorites was by a wife writing with such admiration for the fix-it
dad armed only with his tool kit who manages to make all kinds of adaptations
for his physically disabled son so that he can enjoy the same experience as
other kids his age, even when it may scare his mom to death!</span><span style="font-size: 13.5pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13.5pt;"><br />
As the father of a severely disabled teenager, Gary Dietz didn't just collect
and edit these essays, he has added his own voice to the stories in this book.
His passion about the changing roles of fathers, especially of disabled
children inspired this crowd sourced and crowd funded labor of love. Visit
Gary's blog<span class="apple-converted-space"> </span><a href="http://blog.dadsofdisability.com/" target="_blank">here.</a></span><span style="font-size: 13.5pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13.5pt;"><br />
<span style="background: white;">There are many sites, blogs, support groups for
mothers of special needs children. As a mom of one of
those children, I can assure you these are definitely needed.
Before reading "Dads of Disability" I never realized that
Dad's have their own unique feelings and experiences about parenting special
needs children. Their voice also deserves to be heard. Reading these stories
prompted me to have conversations in my own house about how our
journeys and experiences can differ greatly while parenting the same child. The
desire for a deeper dialogue is the greatest gift a book like this
can give.</span></span><span style="font-size: 13.5pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br />
</span><span style="font-size: 13.5pt;">Want to Read "Dads of
Disability"? Go<span class="apple-converted-space"> </span><a href="http://blog.dadsofdisability.com/purchase/#.U3qrOPldXMU" target="_blank">here</a>.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br />
<ol>
<li>You don't talk anymore. I don't just mean you're giving the silent treatment. after an argument. I mean are you talking about your day, your job, friends your feeling. Are you talking about your marriage? Are you sharing your dreams and your fears? Or are you just talking about who forgot to take out the trash and who's turn it is to carpool? A lack of personal intimate exchanges with your spouse could mean big trouble.</li>
<li>You've already "un-coupled" if you have you stopped even trying to spend time together. Do you only come together for the kids and lead separate lives otherwise? Are you making weekend plans without even considering your spouse? Do either of you spend all your free time online or with friends to avoid being with each other. If it feels like a relief to be away from your mate. You have already disengaged from the marriage.</li>
<li>You start keeping a scorecard. You used to give and take freely in your relationship, but now you are playing tit for tat. If you start actively keeping mental notes comparing how much you are contributing and how much your partner isn't, something is amiss.</li>
<li>He can do no right. Are you constantly criticizing him? Or maybe you feel like your every move is being watched and nitpicked? Sometimes its easier to funnel larger issues into negative criticisms of day to day tasks than to address what's really bothering us.</li>
<li>One or both of you is cheating or dancing dangerously close to it. This one is a no-brainer.If you are sleeping with someone else, your marriage is in trouble. Maybe you're having an emotional affair or engaging in an online relationship. All of these these mean trouble for your marriage. I believe you can have a happy marriage after an infidelity but it takes an awesome amount of work on both parts.</li>
<li> Maybe you're not having sex outside or inside your relationship. When couples lose their physical connection, often times the emotional connection soon follows.</li>
</ol>
<div>
If you find that you are experiencing one or more of these situations in your marriage it's time to take step back and re-evaluate your relationship. While these can be serious relationship quandaries, you aren't beyond help. You can definitely seek out professional help or maybe your pastor, priest or rabbi. However, maybe one (or both) of you aren't comfortable with the idea of a third party in your relationship. This doesn't mean you can't save your own marriage. I did. And in this upcoming blog series, I'm going to show you how I did it in the hopes that maybe I can help someone else.<br />
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Stay tuned for the 1st episode in the Save Your Marriage Series : Reevaluate Your Relationship.....<br />
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Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02170968453519471587noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4412514160831989540.post-83929094000532962312014-01-09T14:11:00.000-05:002014-01-09T14:13:31.063-05:00Top Five Insane Moments from Being Mary Jane Episode 1<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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So confession, I didn't actually watch Being Mary Jane when it came on last year. I meant to, so I DVR'd it, and I meant to get around to it, but I never did. The one of my kids mistakenly erased while making room for Teen Wolf and Pretty Little Liars and Magic City (okay maybe that was me,.) But I caught up with the two hour special and first episode last night and I gotta tell you. I was pleasantly surprised. I might be a fan. So here's the top five moments from season premiere of Being Mary Jane.<br />
<br />
1. The opening scene starts with Mary Jane ( Gabrielle Union) running to the rescue of Lisa. Lisa seems to have attempted suicide, she's had some wine and a lot of pills. Lisa also hasn't done this dishes in weeks. The mess in her kitchen could have driven anyone to drink. Mary Jane breaks the window, to get through the door. She finds her passed out friend and saves the day. She even cleans up that gross kitchen. What makes this insane you ask? Who the hell is Lisa? She wasn't in the two hour movie, she wasn't mentioned again. There was no explanation of who she was and why she was trying to kill herself, besides that she's "lonely". So I'm sorry, but what? I have a suspicion that maybe this scene was just so we can see what kind of friend MJ is. Selfless loyal and all that. However, it was a bit cray cray .<br />
<br />
2. I thought it was sweet that David waited at her house all night while she took care of friend. It was all good until Andre shows up at her gate and David goes down to see who the he is. I just about died! I was covering my eyes and peeking through my fingers. Homeboy tried to play it of with the whole,"Oh I was lost" play, but as we see later on David wasn't buying it. Mary Jane peeking through the window watching new Boo and old Boo size each other up was fantastic. That was so real. I mean I'm just saying I've heard some people say that it's happened to them. Ahem, moving on.<br />
<br />
3. So I know I'm not the only one died when Avery came to the office under the guise of a fan. Seriously what was she thinking? She wanted all the details of the affair, I mean like all the nitty gritty. I don't know who I was more uncomfortable for.<br />
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4. So what about that intense Hurricane Kenny scene? I felt for MJ as she was trying to stand up for her principles and against her friend. We saw it on the previous episode with the the story she was forced to cover the rapey women over the "Are Black Women ugly" story. Doing what's right for her over whats right for ratings is probably going to be running theme in this show. And Kara ditching her kid's recital for work..hmm. She's already said she lost her husband over her work. I guess she didn't learn her lesson.<br />
<br />
5. Craziest, Most Insane moment? After Mary Jane has had a day from hell, between her mom calling constantly (Side Note Shug Avery still looks amazing!) her insanity at work and her newly ex-boyfriend's wife showing up to discuss her sex life she's had enough. And as she trying to sweat that out on the treadmill, who shows up but said newly ex-boyfriend who's MARRIED. At this moment we say how vulnerable MJ is. She's angry at him sure, but she's also been deeply hurt by someone who said they loved her. And I was feeling for her, especially when she went on his phone and saw his kids. She compliments his family nd she cries and theh.. THEY KISS??? WTF? I was yelling No! No! No! at the screen. They get all steamy up in shower. And me being my neurotic self, although I was all "OMG he's married MJ no don't do it". I was also like eww those are the gyms showers there are so many germs, eww, yuck, stop. But I digress.<br />
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So the first episode was intense and very well done ( except for that random friend). I will be putting this on the DVR list. Right next to Teen Wolf. So tell me did you watch? What did you think?<br />
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<br />Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02170968453519471587noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4412514160831989540.post-21310640645782817492013-12-02T08:17:00.000-05:002013-12-02T08:17:24.743-05:00Five Ways to Teach Your Children to Give at ChristmasThe holiday season can be wonderful fun for children. However, the amount of consumerism targeting children at this time of year can foster a "gimme" mentality in your children. To avoid your family missing out on the beauty and charity of the season, here are five ways to teach them to give instead of get at Christmas.<br />
<br />
<ol>
<li> Create a family Charity Jar. Have your whole family donate to the jar. Try skipping that morning latte once a week, or gather up the spare change in your car to throw a few coins or dollars a week into your family jar. Encourage your kids to donate a portion of their allowance or birthday money to the jar. Once your jar is full, use the internet to research charities that support causes that interest your children. For instance if your children are animal lovers perhaps you can use the money to donate toys or food to the local animal shelter. The most important part is to let them be a part of the process.</li>
<li>Let your children help shop for gifts for another family members, friends or a neighbor. If you want your children to understand the joy of giving, let them give. Take your children to an inexpensive thrift store or a dollar store, sometimes local churches have a holiday sale where kids can go buy items for a dollar or two. You can also bake cookies to give to neighbors and family members.</li>
<li>It's not all about money. Have your family give the gift of time and companionship. Family out of time, have your children put together a holiday video message for the family that can't be there. Visit and elderly neighbor and see if they need any help with household chores. Walk the dog of a sick friend. </li>
<li>Serve the needy. Homeless shelters and soup kitchens need all the help they can get during the holidays. Sign your family up for a shift serving a holiday dinner. Donate canned goods to a food drive. Let your kids help decorate and deliver the baskets to a needy .</li>
<li>When Christmas morning finally arrives take turns opening gifts. Let each family member open one gift and wait until everyone else has opened a gift before taking another turn.. This allows everyone to see what the other person received, slows down that frenzy of ripping open gifts and moving on. This helps the children appreciate each gift and teaches patience and respect.</li>
</ol>
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With a little planning and ingenuity you and your family can have loads of fun giving and getting this holiday season.<br />
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<br />Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02170968453519471587noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4412514160831989540.post-43187367343638371922013-11-10T20:24:00.000-05:002013-11-10T23:37:45.185-05:0028 Days of Being Thankful Challenge Days 7-10...yeah I knowYes I know I'm terribly behind.... But I'm thankful I can try again, how's that?<br />
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<b><u>Day 7- A failure I'm thankful fo</u></b>r<br />
Once upon a time I wanted to be a dancer. I studied for many years, ballet tap jazz hip hop modern,,every damn thing, Dancing was my life....and then it kinda wasn't. It was fun, beut it wasn't exactly my passion anymore. However I didn't really know how to say it. How do you tell your parents after 16+ years of paying for lessons, um i don't wanna do this anymore. Everybody expected me to dance. So at 20 years old I had a big audition for Knick's City Dancers... And I said well I won't make it and it will be okay...at least I can say I tried, without having to admit, I don't want to do this anymore.<br />
So I reluctantly went to the audition, and lo and behold made it call back round,,,and then it hit me, if I make it, I have it do this. So I promptly went to bathroom and threw up like four times. I was so scared. And it wasn't stage fright, because I've performing since I was five. It was the fear of making this my real life. So I turned my number and I left in shame. I felt like I worked my whole life for this and I failed at my big chance. For a long time I thought I blew it. Many, many years later I'm thankful for my failure. If I hadn't chickened out I wouldn't have found out what I really wanted to do. I also probably wouldn't have gotten married and made four wonderful human beings.<br />
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<b><u>Day 8- A Success</u></b><br />
I think I'm thankful for the success of my blog. By success I don't mean numbers or subscribers, I could always use more (Hint, Hint). By success I mean the ability to touch people and make someone say "thank you for saying that". More than clicks and subscribers I love when someone feels inspired, or helped and or even just understood by reading my blog. That's the best kind of success.<br />
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<b><u>Day 9- A food</u></b><br />
I'm thankful for plain Lay's Potato Chips, they cure everything... I'm on a diet and I haven't had any in 3 months but I dream about them. I still love them, I'm so glad they always taste the exact same way. Judge me if you must..I don't care.<br />
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<b><u>Day 10- Words of Wisdom</u></b><br />
About 6-7 years and two kids into my relationship with my now hubby we hit a particularly rough patch with lots of arguments, lots of disappointments, a lot of maybe this isn't going to work. I went to cry on my grandma's shoulder about how hard it was to do this living together, raising kids, etc. I wanted her to say my hubby was unreasonable, inconsiderate and all our problems were his fault. After all she's my grandmother! She gave me a very different and invaluable advice. She passed on some advice from her own mother-in-law. She said "Listen, He is the same person he was when you met him and he's going to be that same guy until the day he dies. You don't have to be with him unless you want to. If you do, accept that this is who he is. No amount of you complaining is going to change him, either you're going to deal with it or you're not. He's not gonna change and neither are you, can you deal with that? It's your choice." At first I was pissed at first because I wanted to be soothed and consoled. But after awhile I realized she was right. He's the guy I chose, so I can make it work or not, but spending my life trying to make him into someone else would have ended up with on of us incarcerated.So I decided yeah, I can deal with that. And after awhile, we got through that rough patch and I don't think I would have without my grandma giving me some tough love.<br />
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Let me know how you're doing on your own 28 days of being Thankful Challenge? You can follow others on this challenge <a href="http://champagnetocrayons.com/28-days-of-celebrating-thanks/" target="_blank">here</a>.Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02170968453519471587noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4412514160831989540.post-66028361466524890132013-11-06T15:31:00.000-05:002013-11-06T15:31:01.412-05:00Day 6 of Being Thankful- My childrenMy children are probably what I'm most thankful for. In the fourteen years since my first baby was born, my heart has been opened and filled with an all consuming love, I never knew possible, Summer Bunny, DJ, Syd and Spike make me laugh, cry, smile, even yell a little ( maybe a lot). I'm thankful for this messy, crazy loud and joy filled life they've given me.<br />
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<br />Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02170968453519471587noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4412514160831989540.post-21190511498601278852013-11-05T15:41:00.001-05:002013-11-05T15:41:41.804-05:0028 Days of Being Thankful Challenge Day 5 Your FriendsDay 5- Friends<br />
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I really like this topic. Most people that know me are going to day... You have like 2 friends.. Totally untrue. The truth is I have a lots of acquaintances and very, very few friends. And I'm very thankful for this let me tell you why. A lot of people call everyone in their contact list their "friend". We met at a fundraiser, she's my friend, We worked together two years ago, he's my friend? Hello?? Not in my world.<br />
I have a very specific list of criteria that needs to be met before I move you up to friend list.<br />
You can go out to brunch with anyone. My friends and I will cook cheese eggs in each others kitchens while stealing bacon as soon fast as we make it, with a our children's running in and out f the back door causing a ruckus. You can have a girls night with the woman in the next cubicle, but if you throw up because you can't even drink anymore and miss the whole party your friend will drag you to her couch and will call your husband and say "hey she's knocked out on the couch, she's safe" and she doesn't post it on Instagram after. When acquaintances come into South Florida from out of town, they say lets hit the clubs, take to see everything, give me a tour. When my friends come into town, they say show me the best part of the couch, let's catch up on everything we missed, while eating a box of Oreos, Double Stuffed, if it's been awhile. We don't front or fake for each other. They know all my dirty little secrets, all the dirt you never want to see the light of day, usually because they were doing it to! We laugh, cry and argue and we love each other to the death. You can have tons of acquaintances, you're lucky to get one friend! In that case I have just enough... you know who you are....<br />
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Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02170968453519471587noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4412514160831989540.post-47963511686954868602013-11-04T22:53:00.004-05:002013-11-04T22:53:51.008-05:0028 Days of Being Thankful Day 3 and Day 4So I forgot yesterday so here goes:<br />
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Day 3-A person who lifts you up...there are of course many people at various times in my life who have lifted me up. But in recent months, my friend Felicia has come through on more than one occasion, with just the right joke to lighten up a serious situation, just the right word of encouragement when I feel bad, and even sometimes the right kick in the ass to get back on track. You can never have too many people in your corner who lift you up. I'm very lucky and very thankful that I have her.<br />
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Day 4 - Family I am definitely thankful for my children. They are the source and the reason for my strength. These beings come into the world with brand new hearts and brand new souls and I'm in awe and forever thankful of being blessed with the enormous responsibility of shaping these hearts and souls into generous and kind contributors to the world.Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02170968453519471587noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4412514160831989540.post-10096622165160826562013-11-02T19:08:00.002-04:002013-11-02T19:08:34.393-04:00Best Man Advanced Screening for Broward/Dade Area....Enter Here<span style="background-color: white; color: grey; font-family: 'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 11px; line-height: 14px;">If you would like to win advanced screening passes to the #bestManHoliday this Monday November 4th here's how...1. Like the </span><a data-hovercard="/ajax/hovercard/page.php?id=102962579863794&extragetparams=%7B%22directed_target_id%22%3A0%7D" href="https://www.facebook.com/IJustWantToBeSuperwomanBlog?directed_target_id=0" style="background-color: white; color: #3b5998; cursor: pointer; font-family: 'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 11px; line-height: 14px; text-decoration: none;">I Just Want to Be Superwoman Blog</a><span style="background-color: white; color: grey; font-family: 'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 11px; line-height: 14px;"> page 2. Like the </span><a data-hovercard="/ajax/hovercard/page.php?id=402891196440576&extragetparams=%7B%22directed_target_id%22%3A0%7D" href="https://www.facebook.com/realityandrelationships?directed_target_id=0" style="background-color: white; color: #3b5998; cursor: pointer; font-family: 'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 11px; line-height: 14px; text-decoration: none;">"Reality and Relationships"</a><span style="background-color: white; color: grey; font-family: 'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 11px; line-height: 14px;"> page 3. Like the </span><a data-hovercard="/ajax/hovercard/page.php?id=225408737573266&extragetparams=%7B%22directed_target_id%22%3A0%7D" href="https://www.facebook.com/pages/MahoganyInk/225408737573266?ref=stream&directed_target_id=0" style="background-color: white; color: #3b5998; cursor: pointer; font-family: 'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 11px; line-height: 14px; text-decoration: none;">MahoganyInk</a><span style="background-color: white; color: grey; font-family: 'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 11px; line-height: 14px;"> page. Then go to </span><a href="http://www.facebook.com/l.php?u=http%3A%2F%2Ftheovulator.blogspot.com%2F&h=vAQGx9K66AQFrxg5hCjFJfjoX6Ui74vimSDFwc4YWby5vtg&s=1" rel="nofollow nofollow" style="background-color: white; color: #3b5998; cursor: pointer; font-family: 'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 11px; line-height: 14px; text-decoration: none;" target="_blank">http://<wbr></wbr><span class="word_break" style="display: inline-block;"></span>theovulator.blogspot.com/</a><span style="background-color: white; color: grey; font-family: 'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 11px; line-height: 14px;"> and answer the following three movie t</span><span class="text_exposed_show" style="background-color: white; color: grey; display: inline; font-family: 'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 11px; line-height: 14px;">rivia questions..1. 14. Who is the first African American to be nominated for an Oscar for a screenplay? 2. In which of the following movies did actress Nia Long not appear: A. Bog Mommas House B. Soul Food C. Friday D. The Wood and 3. What movie earned Denzel Washington a Best Supporting Oscar?</span>Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02170968453519471587noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4412514160831989540.post-56912636352029400772013-11-02T16:26:00.003-04:002013-11-02T16:26:53.636-04:0028 Days of Being Thankful- Day 2 StrengthDay 2 calls for being thankful for a strength I have had or shown. I was a bit stumped by this I admit. I've decided I'm thankful that when I realized that my Spikey wasn't acting like a typical toddler and that he had more issues than I could explain away. I was strong enough to face my fears and seek a diagnosis. Early diagnosis and tons of early therapy has drastically changed Spike's life for the better.<br />
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Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02170968453519471587noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4412514160831989540.post-43495196008309077682013-11-01T12:30:00.002-04:002013-11-10T23:36:33.172-05:0028 Days of Gratitude Challenge.... And Day 1As a working wife and mom, it's easy to get bogged down in the hustle and bustle of life and the never ending to do lists. We never take time to be thankful for what we have. I'm guilty of this, I admit it. So I'm attempting this blog challenge for two reasons. One, to get back in the habit of regular blogging and two to learn to live in a space of constant gratefulness. My hope is that purposely finding a reason to be grateful each day will help me make being grateful a habit, a lifestyle even. It can only be helpful right? So here's my challenge..<br />
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Day 1 A Blessing:</div>
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Today I'm thankful for the blessing of an introduction. My aunt introduced me to mechanic who is repairing me car after an insurance company attempted to bully me into declaring it a total loss. It was a stressful situation and the simple blessing of an introduction has changed the whole situation. Thank you!!<br />
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P>S> I would love it if anyone wanted to join me on this challenge, let me know! I'm joining up right here!<br />
<a href="http://champagnetocrayons.com/28-days-of-celebrating-thanks/">http://champagnetocrayons.com/28-days-of-celebrating-thanks/</a></div>
Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02170968453519471587noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4412514160831989540.post-87893226942204528162013-10-28T13:12:00.002-04:002013-10-28T13:12:33.885-04:00Not Having it All..........<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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I have a terrible habit. I want to be great at everything. I'm good at a lot of things,,,but I want to be great at everything. It's exhausting. And since I'm always trying to juggle a million things, I inevitably drop a ball or two or sixteen.<br />
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I want to be a great mom, like a fantastic one. I want to write an epic novel and a critically acclaimed film and produce thought provoking documentaries. I want to be a psalm 31 wife. I'd love to have an actual social life and let's not forget that mandatory "me" time. I'd love to have all of this while impeccably dressed in a size 4. That's my version of having it all. I'm sure"all" is not one size fits all.<br />
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Here's the problem. I suck at having it all. I mean I don't suck at all these things individually. If I put enough energy into one or two goals, I can be pretty amazing...when I start adding all my dreams goals to my regular list of to do's and I wanna do's, that's where it get messy.<br />
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If I meet all my writing goals and deadlines for the week. my house is probably a mess and we had takeout and PBJ for dinner. If I make every appointment with my trainer this week. I'll miss a PTA meeting or fundraiser. If I make it to ever band recital and every ball game this week. I probably missed something for work. Getting to that birthday dinner or girl's night out means missing the one night my husband and I might be awake and home at the same time. And if I want an actual 8 hours of sleep forget it, nothing is getting done. I have tried organizers, and to-do lists, apps, reminder calls everything I can find in the search for the right tool that will help me do well, EVERYTHING! I can't help but wonder, how the heck other women are dealing with having it all. I think I want to give some of it back.<br />
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Since I was a little girl, I've been told. You can have it all, you can do it all. I'm starting to believe "all" isn't all it's cracked up to be. I'm thinking I'd like to have some....and I only want it sometimes. I'm going to start cutting myself some slack because hell no one else is gonna do it. Instead of panicking because half of my to" do list" has to be carried over to the next day, I'll treat myself to a smoothie because only half has to be moved over to the next day. I'm going to stop doing everything at once and start doing one thing at a time, in one moment at a time, without worrying about what I need to finish next. This is going to tricky because I am a habitual multi-tasker. But I'm hoping stepping back and refocusing my energies will help me enjoy having a little bit...instead of scrambling to have it all.Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02170968453519471587noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4412514160831989540.post-42682157140779142212013-07-14T14:28:00.003-04:002013-07-14T15:14:30.472-04:00Holding Our Sons Closer.....I write today with a heavy heart. My disgust, rage and sadness over the Zimmerman verdict hasn't lessened over night. However, I am preoccupied with other thoughts. I'm burdened with how insanely difficult it still is to raise black children, especially boys, right now in 2013.<br />
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My family and friends and I waited with baited breath for the verdict, hopeful but wary. Abused, neglected and disregarded so many times by the court system, we dared to hope for Lady Justice's blind objectivity even while being resigned to the fact that the color of our skin always lowers our chance for truth, justice and that is the American way. So no I wasn't shocked or surprised.<br />
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My children were shocked. They didn't understand. At only 11 and 14 years old they are old enough and smart to understand most of the evidence and facts of the case. Their outrage is not about racism. Their shock and sadness isn't about racial profiling. It's about innocence and guilt, It's about right and wrong. And even good and evil.They don't understand how the bad guys can win.<br />
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And now as a parent it's up to me to explain what I myself cannot fathom. It's my job to make reasonable what can't possibly be reasonable, and I confess, I do not know how.<br />
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As a black mother my parenting worries and woes are unique to moms of other races. I have the same concerns about my children's basic health and well being, about their education and future. I worry about their character, their moral being, their very souls. And even if god-willing, they stay illness free, they get straight A's in school, and regularly help old ladies across the street, their chances of making it to adulthood are way lower than their white counter parts. The situations that cause me to pause would never cross the mind of other moms not of color. I am afraid of letting my sons and nephew play with their water pistols in front of the house less someone think the plastic toy gun is real and shoot them. I am nervous when I see police parked outside of the neighborhood park where they play basketball. And now I am terrified to let them walk to the corner store for some skittles.<br />
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So how can I encourage my sons to reach for the stars when I know they aren't safe in their own neighborhoods. I want to teach them that they can be anything in this world. That they have the same chances for success as anyone, but the truth is they don't. How can I expect them to go far in a world that sees them as thugs, menaces, threats? How can they find their place in a society that hunts them with no consequences and no remorse? How can I tell them to respect a law that doesn't protect or serve them?<br />
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I don't have the answers today for my children or for myself. I can only hold them a bit closer, and pray that my little boys are the exception and not the rule in a world that doesn't appreciate their value and worth.<br />
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My heart goes out to Tracy Martin and Sabrina Fulton. I cannot imagine the heartbreak they've suffered so far and how much more they have to face in their near future.<br />
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Rest In Peace Trayvon<br />
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You can help by signing a petition for the Justice Department to open a civil rights case against civil rights. Do your part for justice here:<br />
<a href="http://petitions.moveon.org/sign/open-a-civil-rights-case.fb28?source=s.fb&r_by=2299170">http://petitions.moveon.org/sign/open-a-civil-rights-case.fb28?source=s.fb&r_by=2299170</a><br />
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<br />Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02170968453519471587noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4412514160831989540.post-91031525866308994782013-06-29T00:35:00.000-04:002013-06-29T00:35:02.723-04:00Dark Girls Documentary: This Dark Girl's ThoughtsI heard a lot about Bill Duke's <a href="http://officialdarkgirlsmovie.com/" target="_blank">Dark Girls</a> before I ever saw the documentary. I knew that it was about colorism within the black community and it was supposed to be really deep. So when I heard it was going to be on OWN, I was totally into it.<br />
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And so I tweeted about it, Facebooked about it and then sat down to watch. I don't know what I expected. The film's website promised a look into the lives of women darker than most and the "separate lives" they lead. I didn't really know what those separate lives were, after all I'm a dark girl. What's happening in my separate "dark girl" life? I didn't even know I had one.<br />
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I watched woman after woman tell heartbreaking tales of, neglect, abuse, and low self-esteem. I watched beautiful little brown girls point out pictures of white girls and name them as pretty smart and good, while pictures of a girl like themselves they labeled, dumb, bad and ugly. I saw a retelling of that ridiculous paper bag test. My heart broke for the women in this film. I wanted to hug the little girls who were so young and already consumed with self-hate. I heard men, black men, talk about how they don't like darker women, wouldn't date them, how they don't find them attractive. I saw all these sad woman and young girls struggling with their relationships with their own skin and I felt their pain and their sorrow, and I shed a few tears.<br />
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I liked the film, it was provocative and deep and started conversations that I now see needed to be had. But when the film ended, I was left with an uneasy feeling. Is this the end? A story about how hard it is to be a dark skinned woman. A tale about how poor unwanted dark girls, grow up ridiculed, and teased, how we are invisible and undesirable to many black men. At the very least we are seen as different than our lighter sisters and at the most we are inferior. We harbor jealousies towards lighter women and try to bleach or lighten our skin to make ourselves desirable. All of this in order to "overcome" our dark skin. To this I say BULLSH!T.<br />
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Then I realized what was missing from the film. People triumphed in the end, and they overcame their baggage from being dark. But not every dark girl has that baggage. And that's what I need people to know<br />
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I know these women and girls and even the self-loathing men in the film were telling their "truth". I felt for them. But that's not my truth and it's not my struggle. And I doubt I'm alone in this. I had dvr'd the documentary thinking I might want to show my girls. But now I hesitate. If they don't have a complex, this film could sure give them one. Not to discredit anyone else's journey, but it doesn't have to be theirs.<br />
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I probably would have left it at that, until I received a phone call from a good friend. This friend I am compelled to say is lighter skinned and she had watched the documentary so she was moved by these women's plight. That's cool. What was really uncool, was her assumption that it was also my plight. She was not alone in this. All over social media I saw such generalizations about the dark girl plight. It seriously pissed me off.<br />
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The lighter people in my family never ostracized the darker people. I wasn't teased about the color of my skin. I was never jealous of lighter girls. My friends and boyfriends have always been a rainbow. I was never ignored by men and I never felt like I was in competition with light girls for attention. All women have insecurities at times. Mine are not deeper or more prevalent because I'm dark. And I resent the fact that people assume this is the norm. And I fear that's what this film unintentionally teaches.</div>
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<br />Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02170968453519471587noreply@blogger.com0