Not Having it All..........1:12 PM
I have a terrible habit. I want to be great at everything. I'm good at a lot of things,,,but I want to be great at everything. It's exhausting. And since I'm always trying to juggle a million things, I inevitably drop a ball or two or sixteen.
I want to be a great mom, like a fantastic one. I want to write an epic novel and a critically acclaimed film and produce thought provoking documentaries. I want to be a psalm 31 wife. I'd love to have an actual social life and let's not forget that mandatory "me" time. I'd love to have all of this while impeccably dressed in a size 4. That's my version of having it all. I'm sure"all" is not one size fits all.
Here's the problem. I suck at having it all. I mean I don't suck at all these things individually. If I put enough energy into one or two goals, I can be pretty amazing...when I start adding all my dreams goals to my regular list of to do's and I wanna do's, that's where it get messy.
If I meet all my writing goals and deadlines for the week. my house is probably a mess and we had takeout and PBJ for dinner. If I make every appointment with my trainer this week. I'll miss a PTA meeting or fundraiser. If I make it to ever band recital and every ball game this week. I probably missed something for work. Getting to that birthday dinner or girl's night out means missing the one night my husband and I might be awake and home at the same time. And if I want an actual 8 hours of sleep forget it, nothing is getting done. I have tried organizers, and to-do lists, apps, reminder calls everything I can find in the search for the right tool that will help me do well, EVERYTHING! I can't help but wonder, how the heck other women are dealing with having it all. I think I want to give some of it back.
Since I was a little girl, I've been told. You can have it all, you can do it all. I'm starting to believe "all" isn't all it's cracked up to be. I'm thinking I'd like to have some....and I only want it sometimes. I'm going to start cutting myself some slack because hell no one else is gonna do it. Instead of panicking because half of my to" do list" has to be carried over to the next day, I'll treat myself to a smoothie because only half has to be moved over to the next day. I'm going to stop doing everything at once and start doing one thing at a time, in one moment at a time, without worrying about what I need to finish next. This is going to tricky because I am a habitual multi-tasker. But I'm hoping stepping back and refocusing my energies will help me enjoy having a little bit...instead of scrambling to have it all.