Sunday, September 23, 2012

Is It Ever Okay to Settle in Marriage?

Is it okay to settle in marriage? And what does that even mean? I am trying to figure that out.  I have a lot of single girlfriends, many more single girlfriends than married ones. So I am often a source for advice on relationships (although I have no idea why anyone would think I have any idea what I'm doing!) So here goes my take on the subject.

For whatever reason, settling has been a topic of conversation lately. Why? I think when women get to certain age they may start to feel like if they haven't found the one, he isn't out there, so they start changing what they are looking for. Which isn't always a bad thing. I have one girlfriend who always said she would never date a man with children, and she didn't. For years, no amount of convincing could change her mind. After a few unsatisfactory relationships with "unencumbered" men, she found out that some of them can carry baggage a lot more dangerous than a meddling baby momma.  Today she is married to great guy and has two step-children she adores. Did she settle for less because she changed her standards of what's acceptable and what's not? I don't think so. It's okay to put away your idealistic views of happily ever after in order to find your true Prince Charming.

Now I have other friends who are tired of looking for Mr. Right and are willing to settle for Mr. Alright. Should a woman commit and even marry a man she isn't attracted to at all, because he happens to be willing and able and financially stable? If he's a great guy and she doesn't love him, should she bite the bullet and take a chance that in time she can learn to love him? In this case my advice is a great big No! Since when did  love and physical attraction in a marriage become optional? While I'm sure you may be able to trudge through for a while, aren't you setting yourself up for failure, inviting the temptation to cheat with a man you actually are attracted to? And what about Mr. Alright doesn't he deserve a woman who thinks he's the Grand Prize and not the consolation one?!?

Bottom line, it's okay to be a bit flexible when searching for your ideal spouse as long as it doesn't compromise the very basic yet  important needs of your heart, mind, body or soul. And true love? I can't think of anything more important than that.


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