Skip to main content

Is It Ever Okay to Settle in Marriage?

Is it okay to settle in marriage? And what does that even mean? I am trying to figure that out.  I have a lot of single girlfriends, many more single girlfriends than married ones. So I am often a source for advice on relationships (although I have no idea why anyone would think I have any idea what I'm doing!) So here goes my take on the subject.

For whatever reason, settling has been a topic of conversation lately. Why? I think when women get to certain age they may start to feel like if they haven't found the one, he isn't out there, so they start changing what they are looking for. Which isn't always a bad thing. I have one girlfriend who always said she would never date a man with children, and she didn't. For years, no amount of convincing could change her mind. After a few unsatisfactory relationships with "unencumbered" men, she found out that some of them can carry baggage a lot more dangerous than a meddling baby momma.  Today she is married to great guy and has two step-children she adores. Did she settle for less because she changed her standards of what's acceptable and what's not? I don't think so. It's okay to put away your idealistic views of happily ever after in order to find your true Prince Charming.

Now I have other friends who are tired of looking for Mr. Right and are willing to settle for Mr. Alright. Should a woman commit and even marry a man she isn't attracted to at all, because he happens to be willing and able and financially stable? If he's a great guy and she doesn't love him, should she bite the bullet and take a chance that in time she can learn to love him? In this case my advice is a great big No! Since when did  love and physical attraction in a marriage become optional? While I'm sure you may be able to trudge through for a while, aren't you setting yourself up for failure, inviting the temptation to cheat with a man you actually are attracted to? And what about Mr. Alright doesn't he deserve a woman who thinks he's the Grand Prize and not the consolation one?!?

Bottom line, it's okay to be a bit flexible when searching for your ideal spouse as long as it doesn't compromise the very basic yet  important needs of your heart, mind, body or soul. And true love? I can't think of anything more important than that.


Comments

Anonymous said…
I understand the sentiment but maybe in this day and age true love is also idealistic and unrealistic. Maybe the best we can hope for is a good companion and friend.
September 23, 2012 at 5:32 PM
Cerebrations.biz said…
First, settling does not sound terribly romantic to me. Moreover, I don't think settling will work, unless one's psyche can handle being second best for the rest of one's life...
September 24, 2012 at 8:19 AM
Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Lucky

I know I'm married to a good guy. I know I have a good marriage. But sometimes in the crazy pace of life, I forget just how lucky I am. Thank God I am often reminded My good friend and business partner Felicia came to pick me up on a hectic morning, I was running late and we were behind schedule for an important meeting. As I gathered my things she made small talk with my hubby, who was making breakfast for the kids and starting some of our regular weekend chores. She praised him for being such a good husband and made a mention of how lucky I was, a comment to which at her I rolled my eyes. To my husband I simply reminded him that he forgot again to take out the garbage, and that I would probably kill him if he forgot again. I rushed out to my meeting without giving our exchange a second thought. However, my friend wasn't letting me off that easy. She is a single mother who constantly struggles with her son's father after a long relationship ruined by his inability to r
2 comments
Read more

12 Things I've Learned From 12 Years of Marriage

As I celebrated a friend's upcoming nuptials at her bachelorette pool party, she jokingly asked for advice and wisdom before jumping the broom. To my defense, we had just done about 6 shots out of penis shaped shot glasses and I was not in shape to advise anybody about anything. Except on the dangers of mixing tequila and champagne. (Don't judge us, you don't know our lives) But now that I've had time to think about (and sober up) I decided to share with her and all y'all 12 Lessons I've Learned From 12 Years of Marriage. 1. Maintenance Matters-  When you buy a new car or a new home, you expect to put time, effort and money into keeping it running well. Something breaks, you fix it, a pipe bursts and you replace it. You take your car for regular tune-ups to keep everything in working order. These aren't the most pleasant of chores, but we do them because we want the pleasure of living in a nice home and riding in a nice car. Guess what? Your marri
2 comments
Read more

The Mom Who Does Not Play Well With Others

" Go outside and play with the other kids! " That's something I heard too frequently growing up. They are probably words I hated hearing the most. Way more than " You're grounded" or "No TV", nothing filled me with more dread than that horrid phrase. I was a strange kid I suppose. You see, on stage at a dance recital or in a play, I was at home, I felt good. I felt safe. But eight six-year-olds in Brownie uniforms could induce cold sweats and projectile vomiting. Needless to say, my first Girl Scout meeting was my last. I don't really know why, I suppose that's a question for a psychologist someday. I do know that I just preferred to be alone. I come from a big family that was very close, with lots of birthday parties, BBQ's and family reunions. I have literally dozens of cousins. So at least twice a month all the families would find some reason to gather all together. Food, Music, Family, sounds great right? Yeah not to me. Why? Beca
7 comments
Read more